Should It Still Hurt

After several years have passed, how are you supposed to feel?

    you’ve been in counseling but still wonder how much time does it take  to completely heal.

You can’t deny that you’ve certainly gotten stronger,

    but at what point do you feel the hurt no longer.

 

I mean…you do the work, even the difficult things, to face the wounds hidden deep inside,

    you put on your mask of strength and courage but even you can’t seem to hide.

Hide from the feelings you so desperately try to ignore,

    but when they manifest themselves they seem more painful than before.

What does it take to feel this kind of hurt no more,

    to feel whole, complete, to be at peace to your beings very core.

 

You wonder from time to time, can God still see,

    can He see the little girl inside who’s only desire is to be free.

Free to love, free to care, free to give, free to receive,

    free to embrace the past, free to feel the present, and free to strive towards the kind of future she once fantasized and believed.

 

You’re told by other survivors that a day will come when this becomes just another puzzle piece to your life,

    just a part of the woman you have become, it’s still there but it doesn’t cause nearly as much strife.

You thought you’re day was right around the way,

    you finally reached that place where you really were okay.

 

But here comes the reminder, you celebrate and grieve a day that will always remain the same,

    a day of joy and excitement that share painful memories of which you are not to blame.

How much longer, what else do you have to do,

    to get to a place where these feelings don’t alter your day but only come to remind you.

 

Reminding you that by the grace of God you have survived,

    to tell other survivors of what a powerful testimony this hurt will provide.

For after these many years, I can see the testimony, live the story, be the face of one who can say keep holding, keep working, it will get better,

    but nothing stops me from wondering after all the work, all the counseling…. should it still hurt.

 

Adrienne Sharee McGowan

© 2020 by Adrienne Sharee McGowan

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